My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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