so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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