oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
