Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
