i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
