she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
