I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do herpes really smell.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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