Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
