she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
