Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
