I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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