We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
