I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
