So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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