the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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