We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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