Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
