hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
