So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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