So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize