Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
