just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
