so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This house was built for laser tag.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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