I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize