You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
