He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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