Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
