i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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