I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
