She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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