Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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