I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
