Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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