I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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