I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
