But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
