she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
