I cannot find my penis.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
