I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize