Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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