In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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