My liver just broke up with me...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
