the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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