no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
