My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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