He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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