i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
