Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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