i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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