woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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