Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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