After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
