"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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