thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
