i already hear my dad disowning me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Green mimosas i think yes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
