the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
where am i from again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
