Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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