Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
