you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize