My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
