i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
