there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
