I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
