i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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