she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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