): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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