i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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