god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
