Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize