Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize