You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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