I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
