just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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