Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
