I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
time to smoke my breakfast
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
