So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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