could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
