a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize