Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
