Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is classic penis vs brain.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
