her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
