It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
