apparently the secret to your success is patron
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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