My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I just put wine in my tea
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
