Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
