Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
