ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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