tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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