This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
