Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
