I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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