i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
