There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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