All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
