My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
