so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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