i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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