so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
