did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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