2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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