Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize