All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
