I hate all girls vehemently.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Randomize
