Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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