i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
