If i come over, it means nothing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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